i have decided

i feel like shit today.

i actually showed incomplete work. what does this say about me man. it sucks. the feeling sucks totally. i ruined the first impression.

it doesnt matter whether they liked the visuals and the aesthetics. the registration is off. the canvas didn't work. i can't do anymore because i have exhausted all the screens to the extent that some of the images have huge holes because the emulsion has been washed off. even when i knew that i didn't have time to produce at least a test print of my vision, much less, a final. period.

i'm not being too hard on myself. i don't think so. my screen-printing skills are amateurish, coupled with a bad plate.

as a response to yesterday's lecture, i have to complete this, have everything aligned, before i can truly love my work , and then myself. i have to work like a machine if i can. its not torturous at all. because i know at the end of the day, when i finally make it, produce the near- perfect outcome, i will feel yellow all over like a banana fruit. i cannot allow mistakes. because this is the way i work.

to produce a work to fit what they want is just unjust and against my values.